Funny Dialogues....

by **Ivy** » Jan 28th, '06, 19:44

Below are all my little skits I've done so far....if you want more just create a situation or post a picture...

"All Rise For the Honorable Judge Taylor"

*Taylor turns to the jury*

"Has the Jury reached a decision?"

*Jury hands over slip of paper*

"After further delibiration and the proven statement and facts, the Jury has come to the decision that the Above Single Cover for "Shake That" feat. Nate Dogg is totally and absolutely FAKE!!!!"

*everyone cheers on the judges final ruling*

"Case Dismissed*

*All rise for the honorable Judge Taylor as she leaves the court room*

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Halie - Dad can we have "the talk"

Em - Alright it's simple...."the first guy that looks at you like that...touches you like that....lays it down on you... won't be able to walk when I'm finished expressing myself to him....maybe he will be sleepin' permanently..."

Halie - Dad can I go to the party tonight?????
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Halie - Dad my dates here to pick me up....

Em - You look beautiful honey.....Oh...it looks like your make up smeered just a bit...run upstairs and have your mother fix it or fix it yourself...I'll get the door.

*walks over and opens door and gestures date in*

Em - Wassup?

Date - *nervous wreck* Nothin' much sir, yourself?

Em - *pulls boy into him* You see that little gurl *points to a picture* she's all I got to worry about right now....and if you have any thoughts of doing any of those touchin', gettin' close, in her pants manuevers...I want you to remember 1 thing......"I HAVE NO PROBLEM GOING BACK TO PRISON"

*Hallie runs down stairs*

Em - You look beautiful....Have a great time

Halie - By Dad

*Em glares and nods at the poor date*........

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*Halie, now 17, goes into a Fye Store *In America it's a Commercial Store that sells the latest Cd's*

Halie - Hmm, Let me see, the Slim Shady LP, The Marshall Mathers LP, The Eminem Show, Encore, and oh, my dad's Greatest Hits

*walks up and pays for the cds....*

*Gets home and goes into room and shuts door......*

Halie - Wow, my dad named a song after my mom......

*Kim plays*

Halie - Oh my god...................

*Halie runs down to her dad, who's in the studio....*

Halie - Daddy!

Em - What Baby

Halie - How Could you make a song like that about mommy??? No wonder people say your lyics are controversial.....

Em - Honey, I'm sorr.......

Halie - Don't bother to explain daddy, it says it all right here......

Em - Ba...

Halie - Daddy, why couldn't we make one like this on your latest cd???

Em - What???

Halie - Mommy promised no more drugs, and now she's back on...

Em - Well, where should we start....?

Halie - Why don't we start where you've become such an asshole and are into oblivion and why don't we mention that I couldn't even talk to mommy about the night I lost my virginity....

*Em hits floor*

Halie - Daddy???

*Shakes Em*

Halie - Daddy, daddy, daddy answer me!

*Runs over to phone and calls Proof*

Halie - Mr. Proof

Proof - Honey, what's wrong?

Halie - It's dad, he hit the floor and he ain't movin'...

Proof - Alright calm down, I'll be there in a mintue....

*few minutes later, Proof arrives and Em is still on the floor*

Proof - Dawg?

*Kicks Em, then tosses a bottle of water on him*

Em - Who is him, I'ma kill em'

Proof - What you talkin' about dawg?

Em - Some motha fucka touched my baby!!!

Proof - Halie!!!!

Halie - Daddy, what i meant to say wa....

Em - Halie, tell me who it was....

Halie - I ain't that stupid daddy, plus I promised him I wouldn't....

Proof - Halie, we promise we won't kill him...who is he???

Halie - Well, daddy...when I was like 14 and he was watchin' me, and mommy was in rehab and you was tourin' and I officially hit puberty, he's also the one who taught me how to use Tampons....

*Em turns to proof....*

Em - You motha.....

Proof - Hey dawg, she had a lot of questions about her body and I didn't know how to answer them, so I gave her a deministration....

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My dad use to show him to his gun classes when he was a weapon's instructor in the Air Force....

Dad - If you ever rob a house or store on base

*slight pause*

Dad - Don't stop when a cop shouts

Cop - Freeze or I'll shoot

Dad - Because the cops on base can't shoot for shit....

*My Reply to all this*

Me - Dad, if I were to rob a store, my luck, I'd get the cop that could actually shoot and I'd be in a body bad

*Cop and partner walks over to body*

Cop 1 - Damn, I can't shoot that good

*Cop 2 bends down and picks something up*

Cop 2 - All that for a bag of Skittles

Cop 1 - Damn, you had to shoot? Didn't you???

Cop 2 - Why you so mad??

Cop 1 - Because now we have all this paper work to file over a bag of Skittles.....

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Man - Honey, I'm going to go get the morning paper

Woman - Okay

*Man walks out front door, bends down and grabs paper, stands back up, turns away and does a double glance....*

Man - The Papers on the desk by front door

*Man walks upstairs, cocks gun, walks back down stairs and

BAM*

*Paper falls to the floor and then a body collapses.*

Woman - Idiot

*Man shot at woman, missed at close range, bullet hit medal from door, ricashaded back, hit man...*

Woman - And you wonder why I cheated????

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Woman and Man - Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

*Woman's (real) Boyfriends enters room*

Man - I'm sorry I must be in the wrong room

*man leaves*

*Woman jumps out of bed, scared*

*Man reenters room*
Man - I thought this was my house, my bed, my girl, and

*looks at dresser*

Man - You have the nerve

*begins to stutter*

Man - To use my CONDOMS????

Woman - He ran out last night!!!

Man - I was here last night!

Woman - Well honey, you came home from work early....and we heard you coming in so he jumped into the closet.

Man - You were my lover!

Woman - Honey, I know you're....

Man - I ain't talkin' to you....!!!!!!!!!!!

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by **Nick419** » Jan 28th, '06, 19:49

you are funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by **MuNxMuN** » Jan 28th, '06, 19:50

they're all funny but i like the virginity one the most that one cracks me up :laughing:

by **Nick419** » Jan 28th, '06, 19:52

yeah i agree..........think of a new topic for her to write about...........

by **Nick419** » Jan 28th, '06, 19:55

make one about when Em gets really old (got the idea from his site)

by **Ivy** » Jan 28th, '06, 20:11

*Em walking around his backyard watching his grandkids.....*

Em - Damn, I'm gettin' so damn old...

Halie - Hey Daddy

Em - Honey, I thought you had school today...

Halie - I took some time off from College...

Em - Why Honey...Is somebody hurtin' my little girl???I'll kill em' don't be afraid to tell your dad...

Halie - Umm, no daddy it's a little more important.

Em - What do you mean?

Halie - Dad, I'm pregnant!

Em - Oh shit....

*He sits on steps*

Em - Elaina's already given me one, a little girl....now I'm gonna have 2???

Halie - Dad, I know this is a big shock it was for me t.....

*Interupted by UPS*

Em - Ain't you have no decency, I'm sittin' here talkin' to my fuckin' daughter and you enteruptin' me???

UPS guy - Here's your package sir!?!

Em - What package????

UPS Guy - Well, I'm not quite sure sir, but I'm suppose to read you something....

*Em puzzled*

Em - Aight...

UPS Guy - Honey, I know we've had a great relationship, but I think it's the time...I ordered you something really special from the heart, and I hope you use it......I think we'll both like it!!! Kim..

*UPS Guy hands over package and leaves*

Em - Wonder what it could be....

*Open package and a sample of Viagra falls out......* :smoking:

by **MuNxMuN** » Jan 28th, '06, 20:13

HAHAHA LMAO :laughing:

by **Ivy** » Jan 28th, '06, 20:15

Glad you like it...you want to give me a situation or pic to work with MuNxMuN?

by **MuNxMuN** » Jan 28th, '06, 20:17

i can't think of one at the moment but when i do i'll tell you :happy:

by **Ivy** » Jan 28th, '06, 20:17

Aight, I'll be waitin'..... :sleeping:

by **Hunneh_Buns** » Jan 28th, '06, 21:44

Haha they are all so funny. :happy:

by **Ivy** » Jan 28th, '06, 21:46

Sarah wrote:Lmao they're all good, I love em'. The only one I hadn't read outta the old ones was the cop one , now in which section was that?

The cop one was in Comedy Central with the Gun Video thread.....

by **Nick419** » Jan 30th, '06, 03:39

i know this is dumb but make one about Em having another kid but its a demond kid aka the return of slim shady!!! (thats how he killed slim shady , he did it by releasing his evil sperm into kim wich made his demond kid!)

by **Ivy** » Jan 30th, '06, 03:42

Hmmm, I'll have to sleep on that... :sleeping:

by **Nick419** » Jan 30th, '06, 03:45

it would be funny cause u can come up with weird shit.

Funny Dialogues....

Funny Dialogues....

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