5th Dimension

[survce]

I was sent with intentions straight out the 5th dimension
to complete a dangerous mission what my quest is get my message
straight across the state of Texas. Guess what's next is on my checklist.
Take out all those who are reckless. Now don't think I will regret this.
Like go buy a diamond necklace or a bad ass bitchin Lexus.
I got the best and took the test unless a game of just confess
a Will got wrote don't play that mess. Don't sign no paper not witnessed.
No Bueno want no bad business. No room left for no con-artist.
My dad I know he would be pissed so mad he'd start clinching his fists.
Stop and take another bump you know you need to pump and hump.
Drinking to much mi chelada make me stop and take a dump.
Dad would thump me on my head. Now listen son is what he said.
I know you don't know what your doing. And my heart you won't be losing.
I rode this life that you are cruizng. Drugs and drinking only losing.
Late for work cause you were snoozing.

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=166424&p=2466281#p2466281

[Just Silver]

Need to feed a piece first

[Kangol]

nice ryhmes, however the "witnessed" part feels like you sacrificed sense for a ryhme tho

[survce]

Yea I noticed that after I posted.

[sneakerheadshady]

next time you should feed a piece, ill still feed this because your relatively new.
this is pretty good, but some of the rhymes either dont fit or seemed forced. i think your trying to use multis too much, instead start with a sstron g foundation of basic rhymes and add more complex things once the base is strong enough. it is a good start, just needs some work
keep trying, dont give up

[CanadaPure]

PM me (or another mod) a LoF and I will re-open this.

[CanadaPure]

Re-opened.

[IBasicallyRage]

I feel as though most rhymes don't fit, keep it up tho.

[ilovebender.com]

I took this as a song about having a good time in Texas and mind expansion..

[survce]

It really has no meaning. I just wrote it down as it came out. lol

[Sobecaspur]

The intentions shaped the dangerous ways, ,
straight isn't on your list, demented in effect.
completed missions aren't applicable,
stateline rhymes tryed kansas city crime,
reckless or not think before it cost's.
testing to be a besty is only human game,
Death is no will just sign here dont feel.
witness the bad business at hand,
con-artist the dad, thumped my head.
echoeing words repeated checklist,
doubting my life accusing my heart.
losing my ride like its just cruising by.
D and D there I go again...
the only way of ones own REVENGE.

[survce]

No worries bro. I mean I like the fact you were inspired by what I wrote. To write your own verse. Awesome

[Sobecaspur]

I am a girl, goofy...

[survce]

Oh. I'm sorry. I really am.

[Sobecaspur]

its cool, for real...