Cheating

[CrashBand]

What are peoples views on cheating? (in a relationship sense)

I have kind of warped views on it myself which I doubt too many people would share.

Do you think it's a big 'no' and good grounds to break up with someone?

and also do you think someone should come clean to their partner?

[Alex2012]

it depends the kind of relation you have but when i was younger i used to think if my partner saw another girl well that can happen he is not my property and we have to discuss about that but all can be good again between us.

Now i think I didn't like my boyfriend enough to think like that because now i'm really in love with someone and even if i live that relation in the present, i would feel ugly and useless if he cheated on me.

so except if you're a free couple i think if you cheat it's because all is not good in your relation.

and of course you have to come clean.

and that reminds me something about my cousin, she cheated on his husband but i guess because he didn't care enough of her and when he knew that he fought for her and they are still together and all is very good now, because she just needed his husband cares more about her, then all the stories are not the same and it depends why you did it.

[Atone]

I have never cheated and never will for the main reason being that i can't get pussy even if the bitch was retarded....

nah just playin, truth is, i'll never cheat cuz i been cheated on, knowing how that shit feels i could never put somebody thru that,

worst part is when you run into the dude your girl cheated on you with, and trying to keep your cool cuz inside you just wanna beat the fuck out of him

[Slim Fiasco]

Well, technically it's not that big of a deal, because it's not like your girl hasn't kissed/had sex with another guy before, or that she won't do so again in the future. This leads to the psychological aspect of it, and how do you feel about each other, and if cheating happens the circumstances can make some difference. If I'm with some girl and she doesn't mean a lot me, honestly I wouldn't give a fuck if she cheats on me. But then again, why would I be with her in the first place? If she means a lot to me, but she doesn't feel like that about and cheats on me, I'd have big problems with it. But then again, why would I be with her in the first place if she feels meh about me? If we both share the same and strong feelings, then why would she be with me and then cheat? If you're cheating and perhaps like someone more than the person you're with, then you shouldn't be with that person in the first place.

Overall, fuck bitches, yolo, bang pussies on one-night stands and take your W's.

[CrashBand]

As I said. My views are probably a bit warped. I don't think it's that bad.
If..
a) you still feel the same way about someone and
b) they don't find out

There's absolutely no repercussions then.
And fuck coming clean.

[ChristinaE12]

I don't understand the whole point in cheating.. It really just doesn't have to happen.

If you even think about it why would you be with someone in a "relationship" to begin with. Why not just stay single and do what the fuck you please. Why drag someone else down for your own pleasure.

To me it's really simple not to do and can be completely avoidable. But, maybe, that is just me.

[Kill You]

Yes, I think it's grounds for breaking up. If you're going to cheat then you don't need to be in a relationship like CristinaE12 said. If you're planning on cheating on someone then you should just break up with them instead of cheat and hurt them even more. Cheating is ultimately pointless, eventually everyone loses.

As for coming clean...that's up to the cheater and if they can live with it on their conscience or not.

[Slim Fiasco]

^ Of course it's a big deal...what if you're with someone who hasn't been with a guy before? Lol.

Most girls have at least kissed a guy by the time they're 13/14 so...

[EminemBase]

Well, in reality - we apply ethical standards to many areas of our life, in particular relationships that totally contradict our natural inclinations.

Heterosexual men have the inherent urge to fuck women, all the time. Our only true 'goal' evolutionary speaking, is to reproduce. Reproduction is the way in which our species and all life survives and multiplies; and humans are no different.

But then, due to the fact we are consciously aware (though not necessarily consciously in control of; it may be an illusion in many instances) of our behaviour and desires; we discuss and re-define them and decide certain things are not ethically 'right' / such as 'cheating' on a partner.

In reality, 'cheating' is just a human concept. Evolution doesn't recognize cheating, reproduction doesn't recognize it; in fact 'cheating' aka having sex with more than one partner in any given time-span is the most productive and logically advantageous thing for us to do, to strengthen our numbers. But of course we complicate it and it's deeper than just sex due to the fact we recognize sex is pleasurable and we can do it simply for the pleasure, and we of course define cheating in an emotional sense; sharing intimate details, kissing, anything of a close nature.

It is actually incredibly unrealistic, contradicting, straining and in a way almost unhealthy to expect or presume or try and force a one-life partner (especially for a male); or think we are designed or naturally inclined for this. It doesn't mean it's not possible though, and I'm not saying I think cheating is 'ethically' right, or that I agree with it; I'm just speaking philosophically.

It's a very complex thing if you wanna dig in to it, I'm gonna stop here though because I have got to try and continue doing work, and I just won't stop typing lmao.

But anyway, good topic; an interesting discussion point for sure.

[CrashBand]

Yeah, I'm aware that males have evolved to fuck lots and females to carry and raise the offspring. So that's why us dudes wanna be a bit more promiscuous.

I think people have to be careful off committing a naturalistic fallacy where fucking lots i.e. cheating is 'natural'. Therefore it isn't wrong. I think you are aware of this stating "I am not saying I think cheating is 'ethically' right".

I think the only way we can justify it being wrong is if it hurts others. The same reason why you shouldn't just hit someone. And I can understand this.

But if I turn the situation where your partner doesn't find out then it ain't hurting no one. Therefore don't come clean unless you've been stupid enough to tell the town gossip.

the only other problem people bring up is "why do it?" and "it shows you must not care for someone if you were to cheat on someone".

First of all, fuck this whole idea if you sleep with someone else you don't care about your partner.
And ss Embase has pointed out for some that might not have grasped why, there are evolutionary reasons why we wanna fuck other people. We have an 'urge' to reproduce.

So I don't see any major problems to be honest.

[EminemBase]

Well yeah, I agree that it doesn't by definition mean you don't care about somebody to do it; and you're right that logically, if they didn't find out, it wouldn't emotionally damage them. As they wouldn't know.

But then I think that's where the self-monitoring of consciousness and conscience come in to play and you just have to ask yourself if you genuinely feel okay in yourself in doing it. If the answer to you is yes, and it creates no ill feelings or feelings of wrongful doing on your part, go ahead.

I think most people do feel something wrong in doing it (but I'm not saying you should) which is why, when they do 'slip-up' - they often tell their partner. As they feel they need to 'unload' the burden of guilt.

If you don't see any problems in it then, do what feels right to you, or which you can soundly justify to yourself. I'm wondering though, do you truly feel okay with it; as, you created this thread to get other people's perspectives on it, in a sense indicating that there's some kind of internal grapple happening on the issue; or you at least pay some mind to the idea that it feels wrong, else you wouldn't be asking?

I could be wrong, and you might genuinely feel dumfounded about it being wrong and want to get input from others on why they think it is, as it's a popular notion that it is...

Personally: I don't feel it's right to do it deceptively. As when it boils down to it, it is deception. So whilst you're right that the person wouldn't literally get hurt by the fact, if they did not know the fact - I would still know the fact, I would know I had cheated, and I would have had to lie or at some point not reveal the fact; which in itself makes me feel consciously dishonest. And I like being honest.

I think a better justification would be if you had a partner who agreed to have an 'open relationship' with you in which they knew and were fine with you sleeping with other people. That way, you wold still get to sleep with other people, but you wouldn't have to have a potential burden of deception on your conscience, and this would be totally ethically sound, as both parties are aware and fine with it. Then of course, it wouldn't be 'cheating', so in essence, I would have to conclude that I can't personally justify it, as it feels dishonest.

[Blu]

Well, I don't wanna seem like a dick, even though I'm 100% sure I will but...

I had a thing with a girl for 4 months who was in a relationship.

I really don't like cheating, and if you're not happy you should just leave the relationship. I would never cheat and if I did, I'd inform my partner right away.

Relationships these days are so overrated though. No one's really faithful with one another, especially when it comes to the teenage population. I would wait a bit to get into a serious relationship, but please, do not get into a serious relationship when you're only 16. Emotions are all over the place when you're still a kid.

[CrashBand]

The reason I asked is because I am aware the majority will think it's wrong. I am also aware that if your partner found out then it would hurt them.

And towards your question 'do you genuinely not feel guilt' - Yes, I can almost put it to the back of mind like nothing happened. Therefore not getting any urge to 'come clean'.

And I've thought about the dishonest thing. But I don't think lying is black and white. As I was making this thread I thought I need to make a similar one for 'being dishonest lmao. I think you have to be wary about justifying lying for the good of someone else. It can be both patronising and detrimental but I definitely don't think it's black and white.

I think you may have a stronger sense of importance for being honest. I've always thought if you have justified something to be fine and the only direct result from being honest is hurting someone or making a situation difficult then why tell the truth to comply with this idea we shouldn't lie. I can think of many examples where that's the case with your parents or whatever.

The whole open relationship thing is hard. Most people (mainly girls) have a problem with having a genuinely open relationship. Feelings always seem to grow in some form. And if the person you love is monogamous then you don't have this option.

At the same time I'm not sure if I'd like to be in an open relationship and have my partner fucking everyone in the village.

and before people call me a hypocrite. Everything else being equal, if my partner was and I were to never find out then it doesn't matter.

[CrashBand]

lol.

I'm aware that being in love is different then just hanging out with someone.

Do you think being in love and dishonesty/cheating is mutually exclusive? i.e. you wouldn't do that if you really loved someone. I think that's quite close-minded.

and then are you implying that cheating is all right as long as it's just another girl that you are cheating on. and if you were in love then you shouldn't do that.

[12characters]

I have attachment issues. So basically, you're all cheating on me at the moment.