SWYS [Rough Draft]

[TripleNineThree]

Hi everyone!
I have taken a long break from music and finally got passion to get back into it again. This is a song that will be featuring two other artists. This is my verse from it, let me know what I should change (this is the rough draft) - Thanks!

LoF - viewtopic.php?f=38&t=171599
Song - https://soundcloud.com/tripleninethree/swys-rough-draft

Lyrics -
Verse 1
I don't think you get it I live it just how I spit it
Go ahead call me a bigot no tripping you are forgiven

Every second every minute I'm living it in His rhythm
Go and tell me your opinion I'm hypocritically sinnin?

Plussss I'm discriminating and hating on women
I am just a Bible Thumper with an ancient religion

Well Let me break down your vision, I'm not forsaken His Image
Until the day that I'm finished, He is the Way and I'll witness

That everythang is His business you better wake up and get this
Or there's a Lake as a sentence and there's no faking repentence

And you can say its offensive Because His truth ain't dependent
On how you thought that He meant it I will not stop be offended

[Eedee]

Your flow is sick on this! Rhyming was fantastic as well, you're really gettin' good at that.

"Everythang is His business" part you kinda slurred. Feels like your voice needs to sit more in the beat, so maybe a some soft reverb? A more of it if you already have it on there?

Other than that, great work, buddy. Glad you have some passion to record more. Gotta get me dat album boy

[TripleNineThree]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

[Mr.DGAF]

This is very nice mane. Love the flow and that rhyming on the faking repentance scheme. Very nice stuff dude, no complaints.

[TripleNineThree]

Thanks man!

[TripleNineThree]

Man that was so dope! Like, actually really good!

Best song I've heard on the Audio Stage before!

Thanks man!! You can get all my other music at www.reverbnation.com/tripleninethree

I haven't released anything real new in awhile except for that verse. I am working on some other projects so be on the lookout!

[Spyder]

that you on the hook? either way dope track man

hit me up if you wanna collab. i need some for a tape im doing

[TripleNineThree]

that you on the hook? either way dope track man

hit me up if you wanna collab. i need some for a tape im doing

No sir, that's Sean Divine. I wish I could sing... I can only rap lol. I'll message you!

[azz]

That flow is nice! I'm liking the constant rhyme scheme, and that it doesn't sound too forced. Good stuff man