Yah-hah

[Maybe]

1. Look how far I can count

I strain just to shut off the world outside me,
But I can't cover my ears when my arms are tied behind me,
Hell It's not likely that I'll ever be famous,
Cuz I'm not sure that I even know what fame is,
I'm not blameless but at least I cover my sins,
To cover them in the color of sin
right there under my skin,
So miserably I skimmed my fingers across these pages,
Impatient with my fist running across these faces,
I'm lost with patients with no patience from my own center,
My own liver shoved in this fine-stone blender,
I'm no winner with no angel wings to save me,
Only my baby to bravely save me but fuck it I'm so crazy,
Amazing how quickly my words turn to a new subject,
Once again I'm left in such smooth unrest,

I just continue to type, let my fingers run freely,
Till my fingers linger and I run screaming,
Yet I'm the one reading the death of my own work,
My own hurt is what buries me in my own dirt,
Simple rhythm has soothed my flow,
Forgetting the words in the lyrics that I used to know,
I used to go but woah this whole world is gettin scary now,
My hands are trapped in the graves where I'm cemetary bound,
Stuck in this cemetery now rest my dome on this headstone,
When my heads blown, pull the trigger till the leads gone,
I'm headstrong but my legs are so weak,
When this fear strikes me from my head to my feet,
From my death till I'm seen as the motherfuckin greatest,
From gang hits on racists when we blame this on the same chick,
My fames risked when they see wat my true face is,
My true race is faced with misplaced uncertainty,
It's too late to move wait this shit just wont work for me

Both witnessed the gross twisted hopelessness,
That flows in this rope's swiftness, my notes quickness,
My quotes gifted cuz it was wrote senseless,
Wont finish till boats liftin the those limits before I go in it
This cover can only reach from my nose to my feet,
I'm five feet deep with only one foot to reach,
I'm the towns sacrifice and there about to get rid of me,
It's down to my kids and me, writing loud for the imagery,
Screaming my last words so that they're bound to remember me,
I'm the laughin stock till my casket drops, drowned in misery,
Close your eyes, hold your breathe, and count to infinity


2. Native Pride

This prison I live in is the only story I know,
My past is full so unlaughable and it's gory I know,
I'm punched in my face but I know longer feel the way that it hurts,
Cause I've been slaughtered and massacred since the day of my birth

I'm unsure of where to start nor do I know when to finish,
I'll be the last to admit this world's actions so wicked,
Clappin like bitches it's only half of the sickness,
Half is the witness the other half is my focus,
My hocus pocus locust are so swift,
You know this evil I speak of, it's been swept under the rug,
You know the people I be of, it's been left asunder, the blood,
I will no longer allow my words to become victim to this rhythm,
I'm livin the witness to herion and American terrorism,
I will never allow my words to become subject,
To this fuckfest of lust best known as success,
I dream so soundly and I scream words loudly,
Bloody past worst, these things hurt, proudly,
I'm unable to contain this beast within me any longer,
Keep re-breakin my ribs how does this make me any stronger,
FUCK YOU you can take all of my ribs while I'm rappin in 3-D,
It's happenin we see, how blastin all of these things as I'm rappin in my teepee,
Oh he said teepee, haha heehee,
Running around chasing buffaloes on horses,
I must know the distortions as I puff smoke's contortions,
Like abortions I find the first thread and life and smash it's skull,
I fill my cup with white man's blood until at last it's full,

This prison I live in is the only story I know,
My past is full so unlaughable and it's gory I know,
I'm punched in my face but I no longer feel the way that it hurts,
Cause I've been slaughtered and massacred since the day of my birth

I'm zoning off these stereotypes I find my stereo by,
Running full speed to my home like there he goes bye,
With Red Cloud bumpin on the speakers I seek silence and read her,
Last words, this last curse as I beat her,
They give me money and shitty land and I'm fine with neither,
I rhyme with heat worse than primal creatures,
Like I still used knives and cleavers to turn out your eyes and leave your,
Bones and skin opened then fingers used as sinus tweesers,
I rhyme with either extreme hate or extreme faith,
That these mean days mean fate is nearing the scheme's weight,
I'm lookin at this tattoo scribbled on her back,
Wondering it's meaning as I scribble on my pad,
"Native Pride" I've learned to wait and hide,
But fuck that, I hate this guy my only wish to take his life,
So much hate inside I take his life and break it twice,
I'm just fakin nice, I hate each state of deep faith that we make,
Like now I have to watch my "weak races" belief states on replay?

This prison I live in is the only story I know,
My past is full so unlaughable and it's gory I know,
I'm punched in my face but I no longer feel the way that it hurts,
Cause I've been slaughtered and massacred since the day of my birth

Now I lie down I'm too weak to continue this journey,
To continue this hurting this venue's not working,
So with closed eyes I'm pondering the hell in here,
Stepping into the footprints on this trail of tears,
I fail to fear since I took death by the throat,
Ever since I gripped his destined soul and he requested hope,
Like he didn't read this molested flow that on his chest was sown,
Unless it's shown I have mercy than I'll allow white man's workings to hurt me,
I'm working on third string to make this earning work see,
I'm typing a bit slower now, my thoughts more reserved,
I'm more concerned that that you forced me to live with my fortune heard,
I want you to just show me one single person whose made it,
Escaped the death on my rez left redder than my face is,
I'm wasted like hell, show me an indian who isn't,
I'm just being harvested though my garnishes to fill me in this prison,
I was born already inside my casket with the door nailed atop me,
They gave me a trail of tears so all they get is a trail of bodies,



3. Tell me lies

Tell me lies though I know you don't believe I could be so naive,
Cause fake smiles take awhile for my soul to concieve,
Tell me lies as if this dreamcatcher works,
And as I sleep in the dirt I won't dream of the worst,
That these beads and feathers somehow see the weather,
Like when I open my eyes I can see it better and we can be together,
I just want it to be easy cause never have I wrote such a greedy letter,
And when I put on these cleats (NEVER) my spine will only seem severed,
I can't live afraid if I played it everything below the neck would be permanetly sedated,
They say ignorance is bliss but bliss is overated,
So I guess you could say it I stay ignorant willingly,
But it really seems these silly dreams that are filling me are killing me,
"I have the most beautiful girl in my arms so I don't need to dream",
I wrote those words without much worth it seems,
And now my passion seems trapped between her flashy wings and my daddy's screams,
So past to me this gasoline so at last you'll see,
That you have to burn the packaging to truly see the black of me,
Craftfully you run your fingers across whip marks on the back of me,
Now you scream when you see the demons screaming after me,
Laughingly I cut 100 slits into my uncut wrists,
Somewhat convinced all I ever do is somewhat exist.

Staring at blank pages broken pencils and an empty bank account,
Staring at fake faces frozen mentally with all the shit I think about,
I've awakened now but I woke up to an ugly world,
With ugly girls no diamonds but a thousand pounds of lovely pearls,
But they're scattered and broken, fractured and open,
Unseen with one dream but even that's shattered and hopeless,
Splattered and spoken with every ounce of flow in me,
Every pound of go in me I not such a slow MC,
I just got to and see the illest verse ever spit just so they all know it's me,
Go between the roadblocks the whole block runs until the show stops,
I'm dancing in the sun go to sleep when the snow stops,
Go to sleep? ha yeah my head wont let me,
I'm fed so get me another pencil cause the leads so heavy,
I'm dead so simply my zombie head wont fit me,
So often I ask if they'll decorate my coffin my casket,
But they just keep laughin and walking right past it,
My sarcophagaus is lost in this thoughtfulness,
Camoflauge my words so they're lost in this forgotten bliss,

I mean really how much worse could it get,
When without football I feel like just a worthless kid,
All those days of lifting weights look how they worked for him,
The stars seem so far and God it hurts to miss,
My fingertips grow thicker your just a picture in my mind,
The only scripture I can find is a beginner in her time,
Just a flicker in her shine like the fissure in her spine,
No wait thats mine as I enter the center of time,
The inner winters frozen quicker broken splinter in the mud,
The sinners enter chokin with broken open liquor in my blood,
Armed with the ocean when I'm floatin on the sun,
Showin on the drum what is spoken on my tongue,
I speak the fire stop like sniper shots causing assassinations,
Words cease when JFK speaks blasting back a nation,
I'm weed wacking through streets packed with fabrications,
Exagurations like these abra cadabra magic stations,
I complete the sun's heat with only half the saturation,
I was born to kill a hundred men but I lack half the patience,

My past only seems erasable,
I deem myself incapable to escape the unescapable,
Every line I write I seem unable to finish,
This cradle's diminished I'm a man yet I quit it just as soon as I finish,
The sunlight seems too bright for my hollow eyes,
I won't finish today until tomorrow arrives,
I pump weights all day yet I never feel strong,
Start feelin like the Devil I've lived in hell for so long,
I can't hide even with my head up under the covers,
Want to rise out the ash but they keep pullin me under,
How long until I'm consumed I wonder,
But for now fear my words as the boom like thunder,
Wish it were so simple if only it were easy,
Been held under water till I'm no longer breathing,
Want to burn all my words but I'm out of lighter fluid,
My letters don't seem to matter amongst all of the confusion,
How could I be so stupid drench this page in gasoline,
This burnt match hurts so bad now that I'm trapped between,
Crumple everything I've written then toss it aside,
Bitten by these words until I'm eaten alive,
I keep peeking inside just needing to find a reason to hide,
God gave me no wings so I seem no reason to fly



4. Reason To Breath

The keeper of my dreams these dreams so vivid,
Paralyzing my senses with your sweet candy kisses
I close my eyes just to see your face,
I may not live forever but I'll breathe in case

I speak such words softly so you don't misunderstand,
That I count every second till I can kiss her again,
Till I'm considered a friend, a man, or even your lover,
So I'm lost in your clouds concealed by your thunder,
Revealed as we wonder across the surface of the stars,
Swirvin in our cars as we circle back to mars,
The inner workings of my heart are lost within the pages,
Drawn in the spaces while I cover her body with all the constelations,
These stars run so far so please won't you come back to me,
Take us to make love in deep in zero gravity,
Even the moon has your name memorized,
Hypnotized by your hips and thighs with the quickest try,
So I'm just gettin by when I lifted my gifted eyes,
I'm lifted by the swifted lie so I just slip inside,
Even the dull tomb knows it will be full soon,
Your composed by the full moon the only rose in full bloom,

The keeper of my dreams these dreams so vivid,
Paralyzing my senses with your sweet candy kisses
I close my eyes just to see your face,
I may not live forever but I'll breathe in case

The full gloom when the tulip kissed the daisy,
All the flowers said we're crazy but we don't listen to em lately,
You run to my arms for saftey, don't cry please my baby,
This angel is amazing with her feathered wings to save me,
Rubbing my back while you softly sing,
Cause my shoulder blades ache for the want of wings,
For the want of dreams where you fill my vision,
Until the sun is missin and the moon is up and risen,
Until the vibrant leaves all fall and turn brittle,
Back again when the sun stops to sizzle and the moon drops a little,
I can't stop this riddle it runs with the same flow,
The same hope that I'll forever sit on this rainbow,
And never get on this main road I continue on the backstreets,
Run forever like track meets run and they'll never catch me,

Like the crow chasing the butterfly,
Can't think of another time when she was with another guy,
Another lie of another guy who only loves her for her colored eyes,
She shut her blinds while in the gutter lies the other lies,
The colored skies covered with one crow though he's colorblind,
The butterfly's so beautiful so he can't help but wonder why,
He was the one chosen cost him all these thoughts broken,
She brought him hope and defrosted what was frozen,
His heart is open like the sky on a cloudless day,
Like a beautiful child to make him cry in the proudest way,
The loudest say he pried open the shell so reckless,
Traveled to the depths of hell just to find her necklace,
Her angel wings survived the weapon yet he died in seconds



5. MY LIFE STORY IS QUITE GORY BUT GOD WONT FIGHT FOR ME

I been having all these crazy dreams unsure how to make em ou
These rabie genes may be seen as the only thing to take him out,
See I can't stop rhymin these multies goin too fast for time flyin to know me,
Even my homies say I'm too lonely to be a phony because wat they don't see,

Well son go ahead and tell me these problems, thoughts and revelations,
But in the end I'll probably say to be honest pop some medication,

Well it all started when I was a little kid 5 or 6,
So small and already I knew my whole life was shit,
The man I admired the most was the boogeyman of my dreams,
My mind needs time please from the hooded man and my screams,
Did his best to save his hands from me but my mother is another story,
Her bloody face the end result an alcoholics hard liquor and summer 40's,
No one to hide me from the thunders glory I met the storm with no damn path,
No protection on Earth or heaven to save me from this man's wrath,

So he hit you and your mother those memories well losin them is hard,
Isn't hard to tell your past from the bruises and the scars,

So we up and left him and moved out to another city,
Charities so embarrassing from my mother to my brother's pity,
Have a new dad named Glenn, just mentioning his name I'm enraged,
Engaged 2 days later a 10 gauge to this kids face hopeless and in flames,
Now my step dad lost his best act and fucked me up worse than the first did,
A week into it and I'm the first kicked which isnt even the worst shit,
I'm hiding in my elementary school hopin mom will leave without me,
But I've got to be a man cause wat would mom be without me,
So I go home hoping I can take some of the punches away from my brother,
Please Glenn put those punches in my face, don't hit him please give me another,
My best friend Jamal is the only person I can trust with these issues,
"Yo my dad has a gun, if you need it I can steal it and give it to you"
So after school I leave with the gun underneath my Nike hoody,
Paranoid from every noise thinking that he might be looking,
I take more hits than ever and I can barely crawl back to my bedroom,
I'm contemplating takin my gun and making this man dead soon,
But I can't do it, I can't do it, I feel so fucking useless,
A grown up 2nd grader unable to pull the trigger and use it,

At such a young age it must have been hard to be a kid at all,
Even harder facing a larger man when your still that small

Eventually they divorced and we escaped to to another sin,
More and more ganglife never doin things right, thats wat I'm smothered in,
Coverin my red bandanna under my pillow hopin mom doesnt come lookin,
Meanwhile I'm at school provin I'm tough ready to bomb on whoever comes lookin,
I'm somewhat shooken, at 11 this shits alot to swallow,
No glock with hollows, but so much thats its stupid not to follow,
So I'm jumped in with so many glorious bruises like ignoring it's useless,
Jamal follow too we all into provin what we're doin isn't stupid,
We put in work as much as we can but we're still just children,
First time shooting at someone with true intentions leaves the illest feelin,

Well so far it seems you're following the wrong direction,
You never allowed your father, brother mom, or God to step in
You should be at school taking test and learning lessons,
Instead you're in the streets smith an wesson whippin weapons,

My 13th birthday my best friend approaches me at the homies house,
Crazy hours of the night nothing's here its like the stars are only out,
He appraoches me with an idea sounded stupid but after timing gave in,
I had to be cool and fit in so I quickly grabbed the shiny syringe,
I stuck the needle so quick I missed on the first stab,
Shot straight poison in the muscle hurt worse than my first dad,
I curse, laugh it hurts bad but the second try it sticks,
Nothin for a second but it beckons like 5 strips,
Of coke up the nose in one hit, I can't even breath right,
Flames in my viens eyes clentch so hard I can't see light,
I need sight, these trashcans I'm fallin over,
And my breath is visible I'm rippin cold now that fall is over,
Spent the night and the next 6 months sleepin in this gutter,
Addicted to the sickness that is bleedin from my lover,
I'm smothered in filth until June 10th 2005,
When my guardian angel came out and just died,
Hit up this 7/11 quick and make away with the cash,
Every other thought in my brain had just crashed,
So high off this liquid I'm sloppy with my words,
Next thing I know face smashed hoppin off the curb,
I'm faster than Jamal so I breakaway down the alley,
Hiding in the perfect spot so I know they'd have never found me,
But I had to get my homie proved to be my last mistake,
Ended up with him being free and I got maced straight to the face,
Judge sentenced me to 14 years for armed robbery, poss. of a deadly weapon,
My heart skipped a thousand beats a minute down to 7 in a second,
But since I was an addict I was handed a different fate,
I was only sentenced to 4 months in a very different place,

So I'm wondering this was not only hard on you but your family,
How do you react when your loved one is who is doing the damage see,
I can't imagine how 13 year old kid can go through that,
So wat happens next wat obstacles will hold you back,

Arizona in the summer but yet I'm supposed to go cold turkey,
Like son just give it 2 weeks the medication wont hurt me,
I have the chills all over my body my fingertips are freezing,
I'm scratchin at my back and my entire face is bleeding,
My eyelids are receiding into the back of my skull,
A whole month later and still my laugh is dull,
I'm half as old as a grown man's brain,
Yet I've doubled the size with my own damn pain,
Finally escape this hell-hole and quickly jump into another,
Return with insides burned much has changed now with 3 brothers
The streets constantly calling but I've found a new outlet,
Football is now my destiny but I'm slippin out of bounds yet,
My best friend is still the only one who knows,
But he is still a slave to the herion and coke,
Terrible with the flow so I run and I dont stop,
I gasp in so much air the adams apple in my throat pops,
Quickly its my junior year my life slowly regains its traction,
A football star unknown of whats next to happen,
Phonecall on a thursday night from Wesley Hospital callin with bad news,
My best friend now is dead, OD'ed it hurts worst than anything is my past do,
Takes 6 months to get past duke, damn it still hurts but hey,
Footballs the newest passion I fly past em so it'll work today,
Senior year and I'm heavily recruited by major universities,
Oklahoma State bound I stay round despite my major adversaries,

Well it seems that now you've found something worth obtaining,
Gettin that anger out plus and education with all the training,

Sunrise Academy I hate em with a passion see I'm so ready to bust some heads,
Lookin into Fa-Q's eyes and know he's feelin the same maybe I'm even something less,
Running full speed with my head down a foolish move,
When I wake up I'm stuck to the ground and my foot wont move,
I scream in complete horror "NO THIS SHIT CAN'T HAPPENING,
I'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH SHIT NO MORE BAD IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN SEE",
Swiftly lifted to the hospital doctor stickin needles in my legs,
I feel nothing can't scream something or hear wat the doc just said,
So now I have another dream broken when I was so close to achieving,
So much pain on my heart suprised I'm still writing let alone breathing,
And now I'm here talking to you pissed on how my life went,
Although the pain shot in my veins inspires me to write sick,

Ok well after reviewing these facts I need some time to deliberate,
This may need a few years to grieve and recive, well give or take,
So go home and write your life out in your own words,
I'll be happy to help you out but you must go home first,

So now I'm here, its been 2 hours and a few pages later,
I'm still bleeding ink on this electric paper,
Doc said to write it out try something to heal first,
I wrote all this shit and it fucking still hurts,
I tried writing a light story but my lifes gory,
So I handed the keys to God and let him write for me,
He declined and I asked the Devil and even he said no,
So I write my life to public For something I can't let go