Suicide vs M&M59 (Suicide Wins)

[Suicide]

(3) Punchlines
(3) Personals
(2) Multies
(1) Flow
(1) Structure
(1) Vocab/Complex
(1) Other

First to 3 wins.

My verse:

When voters come they'll see your body
You couldn't even kick this shit with karate
Motherfucker, your just a failed sixty-nine
With my rhymes you've fallen swiftly behind
Before I started you was already murdered
Your just a wack rapper no one has heard of
I'll show you rage uncaged, get blew off stage
by a twelve gage, fast as a hooker gettin paid
You got lyrically raped, bring out the cop tape
It's far to late, the battles ended, coz I spit fate
Coz your style I will break with this great flow
In this battle I'm the pimp and your the hoe
Your just an average joe, while I'm the best
Next time you better wear a bullet-proof vest
Coz shots have been fired right in this verse
Couldn't be worse if you was up in a hearse

Nothing really to complex. If anyone don't get any punchlines just ask and I'll dumb it down.

[M&M59]

so i am brand new to this, first time.

he has dropped a few of these, i kill him in my first line.

calling lil wayne a joke and haven't heard his older material

bitch use your lil brain, you know the one that is the size of a cereal.

you can't judge him by some of the recent shit he has has done

Suicide you better ease up on that wrist even tho' I think it's fun.

you say weed isen't a drug but a lifesaver

you got beat by a man called sweet he litteraly raped ya'

are you ready to the next defeat it's gonna be so bad everyone starts to hate ya'.

but i guess that's your life on repeat,

you go to boxing but still gets robbed on the street.

only five lines left, i could go on and diss you about youre jewish

but that would be clueless, cause people can already see you are a true bitch.

so you are pretending yourself winning this lyrically thread

but Im the one ending this bloody like a period, red.

and then i am sending you too hell body, you are dead.

Explanation:


(3): he is hating on lil wayne but hasen't checked out his older stuff: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=120709&p=1709934&hilit=+lil+wayne#p1709934


(7): claims that weed isen't a drug but a lifesaver.


(8): he lost one of his battles to a person called sweet tooth.


(11): he boxes: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=113785&p=1690290&hilit=+10+facts#p1690290

(12): he is jewish.

[Suicide]

16 bar battle? You only dropped 12? I underestimated you though, that a good verse.

Can you add 4 more lines?

[M&M59]

oh shit my bad, some of it got cut of.


EDIT: it's 16 bars now..

btw thanks, you really good too man

[Sam.]

(3) Punchlines Suicide lol had some desent one's
(3) Personals M&M59 went real deep noyhing that good
(2) Multies n/a
(1) Flow Suicide
(1) Structure Suicide nice well arranged syllalbus
(1) Vocab/Complex n/a
(1) Other SUICIDE verse had a nice story feel to it at places
SUICIDE VS M&M59
6-3

SUICIDE

not a hot battle but was good .

[Suicide]

(3) Punchlines Suicide lol had some desent one's
(3) Personals M&M59 went real deep noyhing that good
(2) Multies n/a
(1) Flow Suicide
(1) Structure Suicide nice well arranged syllalbus
(1) Vocab/Complex n/a
(1) Other n/a
SUICIDE VS M&M59
5-3

SUICIDE

not a hot battle but was good .

Appreciate the vote.

1-0.

[Sam.]

vote updated you lose ^

[Suicide]

:sweating: vote updated you lose ^

You should vote on the other battles too. Like my one against cream. It was my very first battle here and it's still not finished.

[Drug.Ballad]

(3) Punchlines - Suicide
(3) Personals - M&M59
(2) Multies - Suicide
(1) Flow - Suicide
(1) Structure - Suicide
(1) Vocab/Complex - N/A
(1) Other - N/A

7-3 to Suicide

Nice Battle.

M&M59:
Good first verse, but i found the line gap inbetween a little off putting. And some of the lines seemed a little out of place, maybe find a way to link them abit more. You had some good rhyming, and worked well on the personals, maybe make them a little more hard hitting. But i hope to see you drop more verses

Suicide:
Nice verse. I liked your rhyming and how it flowed. Lacked personals though.

[M&M59]

(3) Punchlines - Suicide
(3) Personals - M&M59
(2) Multies - Suicide
(1) Flow - Suicide
(1) Structure - Suicide
(1) Vocab/Complex - N/A
(1) Other - N/A

7-3 to Suicide

Nice Battle.

M&M59:
Good first verse, but i found the line gap inbetween a little off putting. And some of the lines seemed a little out of place, maybe find a way to link them abit more. You had some good rhyming, and worked well on the personals, maybe make them a little more hard hitting. But i hope to see you drop more verses

Suicide:
Nice verse. I liked your rhyming and how it flowed. Lacked personals though.

thanks for the advices man, it really helps me

[Suicide]

2-0.

[Suicide]

3-0.

Good battle though M&M59. If you ever wanna battle again just get at me.

[M&M59]

(3) Punchlines = Suicide, LMFAO that's some hilarious shit
(3) Personals = M&M59
(2) Multies = Tie
(1) Flow = Suicide, Great flow there, no doubt
(1) Structure = Suicide
(1) Vocab/Complex = Tie
(1) Other = Nothing

5-3 to Suicide

M&M59 You're new to writing so I have to tell you this
-The biggest problem with your written is the structure .. Some lines were longer than the others which made it a bit, organize it a bit more .. Example :

calling lil wayne a joke and haven't heard his older material
bitch use your lil brain, you know the one that is the size of a cereal.

Would flow better if made this way :

calling Wayne a joke, did you hear his old material ?
use your lil brain, bitch, the one sized like a cereal.

Bad example lol, but you see what I did there ? I hope you put my advice into consideration, bro.

actually that really helped, i always thought it looked wrong when i wrote that, but your example really helped me.




and Suicide, nice battle man **shakes hand**

you are really good at this shit, keep up the good work

[Suicide]

(3) Punchlines = Suicide, LMFAO that's some hilarious shit
(3) Personals = M&M59
(2) Multies = Tie
(1) Flow = Suicide, Great flow there, no doubt
(1) Structure = Suicide
(1) Vocab/Complex = Tie
(1) Other = Nothing

5-3 to Suicide

M&M59 You're new to writing so I have to tell you this
-The biggest problem with your written is the structure .. Some lines were longer than the others which made it a bit, organize it a bit more .. Example :

calling lil wayne a joke and haven't heard his older material
bitch use your lil brain, you know the one that is the size of a cereal.

Would flow better if made this way :

calling Wayne a joke, did you hear his old material ?
use your lil brain, bitch, the one sized like a cereal.

Bad example lol, but you see what I did there ? I hope you put my advice into consideration, bro.

actually that really helped, i always thought it looked wrong when i wrote that, but your example really helped me.




and Suicide, nice battle man **shakes hand**

you are really good at this shit, keep up the good work

You flatter me to much.

But, just keep practicing and writing. No doubt you'll improve. You already seem to get the concept of battling, just follow Cream's advice.