by Atone » Oct 13th, '12, 07:11
i got bullied 99% of my school life, i survived that shit, and when i say bullied, i mean, i got chased home by kids on a daily basis, i had people shove soapy water in my eye's in the hallways once, i dealt with a ton of fucked up shit, yeah, at times, i had suicidle thoughts, that's all apart of my manic depressive / bi-polar issues, but i always look at the bright side, i have my little sister, and my ultamate goal is to watch her grow up, i want to be at her graduation, i want to see her grow up to get married, she needs me to be a role model in her life so she can be strong through tough moments.
how do i feel about these people who committ suicide? i can't call them cowards, i don't know how hard they had it, i don't think they should go about killing themself tho, they should at least make an attempt to seek help, if not by a therapist at least find an outlet.
One of the main things that keep me calm, is writing, not just music, i write poetry and all that shit and when i write, it helps me feel better about alot of shit, i know, my recording aint all that great in your ears but whatever, my writing, the lyrics i write in alot of my songs help me thru alot of fucked up shit.
these kids need to find an outlet or seek help, suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem, those bullies aint going to be there 5-10 years from now, sure, things may suck for the moment but eventually they do get better, i'm dealing with what my mom did on a day by day basis, it's depressing as fuck what she did, not because it hurts me, but because this is the 1st time i ever seen my dad cry, that dude is a harley davidson riding, long haired heavily tatted up biker, seeing him cry fucked me up, and he has asked me why i havn't showed much emotion and my words to him was that i don't want to focus on negative aspeects on life becuase it will get in my head and eat me up, do i still love my mom? i can't say, there are moments when i wish i could kill her, and there are moments that i wish she would just come back, but it's not going to happen, and because she left, the financial situation has gotten chaotic, to the point where i have been in tears, praying that i get hired by one of the hundreds of job's i have applied to.
BUT
No matter how fucked up things have gotten, i'm not going to end my life, somewhere at the end of this dark cloud the sun will shine, things are hurting right now but it's not worth dying over, my lil sister needs me, and if my dad does end up dying, which cuz of his tumor, there could be a day me and my lil sister wake up and he don't, and my sister is going to need me more than ever, ending my life would only fuck up things for everybody else, why be selfish?
point is, these kids need to realize they are in situations that are not as bad as they think, they need to face these issues, deal with it, and move on with life.