Nightmare on Sesame Street

[EvryOnesACrtc]

This is my first time recording. I want lots of advice on how to improve, and I know how helpful this forum is. This is a verse I wrote a few years back for this site under a different name (I forgot my log-in for that username haha).

https://soundcloud.com/arshenal-1/night ... ame-street

Lyrics:
Sesame Street/
today’s episode’s being brought to you in part by the symbols "M-16"/
we closed off all exits and possible routes/
and wreaked havoc across the whole town/
Bookies and crooked mobsters went looking for Cookie Monster at his house/
Tied him up and waved Chips Ahoys in front of his nostrils and mouth/
Uh uhhhh! Not until you’ve lost a few pounds!
grabbed Oscar the Grouch and bossed HIM around/
Killed ‘em and then tossed him out/
Raised the death toll so high even this guy lost his count/
Hey, is that you Snuffleupagus?/
look at that fine ass...come here! Lemme cuff your arms and legs/
and RAPE YOU! … shut up! Tough it out you bitch!/
shudda thought twice 'bout movin' here, it's a rough metropolis/
and I'm the fuckin' sign of Apocalypse!!/
that's when I heard someone say "I've had enough of all this shit!"/
fuckin' Elmo hit me with an elbow/
I said "aw, hell no!" and beat the shit out 'em 'till he turned 'yellow'/



LOF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=169519&p=2604605#p2604605

[DetroitSkills]

Haha enjoyed this tbh

[Loch121]

Dope concept.

[EvryOnesACrtc]

Haha enjoyed this tbh

Phew hah thanks. Anything I could improve on?

[Mr.DGAF]

I love your flow/delivery. For this track at least it fits a lot. The writing style was very smooth. Clever and solid in terms of thought progression and you had some flare of really nice rhyming too (like the snuffleupagus part). The cookie monster series of bars was easily my favorite; very nice stuff there. That scheme sounded pretty dope to the ear too haha.

The mixing/quality isn't very impressive though. That's my major complaint. Also the track sounds kind of busy; there's a lot of background noise which doesn't mesh well with what sounds like a loud beat.

[EvryOnesACrtc]

I love your flow/delivery. For this track at least it fits a lot. The writing style was very smooth. Clever and solid in terms of thought progression and you had some flare of really nice rhyming too (like the snuffleupagus part). The cookie monster series of bars was easily my favorite; very nice stuff there. That scheme sounded pretty dope to the ear too haha.

The mixing/quality isn't very impressive though. That's my major complaint. Also the track sounds kind of busy; there's a lot of background noise which doesn't mesh well with what sounds like a loud beat.

Thank you soo much for the in-depth feedback, compliments and constructive criticism both. I really appreciate it.